pqcaxl7Go5

THEY ... USED ... TO ... READ! They'd READ and READ, AND READ and READ, and then proceed

To READ some more. Great Scott! Gadzooks! One half their lives was reading books!

The nursery shelves held books galore! Books cluttered up the nursery floor! And in the bedroom, by the bed,

More books were waiting to be read! Such wondrous, fine, fantastic tales

Of dragons, gypsies, queens, and whales And treasure isles, and distant shores Where smugglers rowed with muffled oars, And pirates wearing purple pants,

And sailing ships and elephants,

And cannibals crouching 'round the pot, Stirring away at something hot.

(It smells so good, what can it be? Good gracious, it's Penelope.)

The younger ones had Beatrix Potter With Mr. Tod, the dirty rotter,

And Squirrel Nutkin, Pigling Bland, And Mrs. Tiggy-Winkle and-

Just How The Camel Got His Hump,

And How the Monkey Lost His Rump, And Mr. Toad, and bless my soul, There's Mr. Rat and Mr. Mole-

Oh, books, what books they used to know, Those children living long ago!

So please, oh please, we beg, we pray, Go throw your TV set away,

And in its place you can install A lovely bookshelf on the wall.

Then fill the shelves with lots of books, Ignoring all the dirty looks,

The screams and yells, the bites and kicks, And children hitting you with sticks-

Fear not, because we promise you That, in about a week or two

Of having nothing else to do, They'll now begin to feel the need Of having something to read.

And once they start -- oh boy, oh boy! You watch the slowly growing joy

That fills their hearts. They'll grow so keen

50

They'll wonder what they'd ever seen

In that ridiculous machine,

That nauseating, foul, unclean,

Repulsive television screen!

And later, each and every kid

Will love you more for what you did.

LITTLE RED RIDING HOOD AND THE WOLF - Poem by Roald Dahl

As soon as Wolf began to feel That he would like a decent meal,

He went and knocked on Grandma's door. When Grandma opened it, she saw

The sharp white teeth, the horrid grin, And Wolfie said, 'May I come in?' Poor Grandmamma was terrified, 'He's going to eat me up!' she cried. And she was absolutely right.

He ate her up in one big bite.

But Grandmamma was small and tough, And Wolfie wailed, 'That's not enough! I haven't yet begun to feel

That I have had a decent meal!' He ran around the kitchen yelping, 'I've got to have a second helping!'

Then added with a frightful leer,

'I'm therefore going to wait right here Till Little Miss Red Riding Hood Comes home from walking in the wood.'

He quickly put on Grandma's clothes, (Of course he hadn't eaten those).

He dressed himself in coat and hat. He put on shoes, and after that,

He even brushed and curled his hair, Then sat himself in Grandma's chair.

In came the little girl in red.

She stopped. She stared. And then she said, 'What great big ears you have, Grandma.' 'All the better to hear you with,'

the Wolf replied.

'What great big eyes you have, Grandma.' said Little Red Riding Hood.

51

'All the better to see you with,' the Wolf replied.

He sat there watching her and smiled. He thought, I'm going to eat this child. Compared with her old Grandmamma, She's going to taste like caviar.

Then Little Red Riding Hood said, ' But Grandma, what a lovely great big furry coat you have on.'

'That's wrong!' cried Wolf. 'Have you forgot

To tell me what BIG TEETH I've got? Ah well, no matter what you say,

I'm going to eat you anyway.'

The small girl smiles. One eyelid flickers.

She whips a pistol from her knickers.

She aims it at the creature's head,

And bang bang bang, she shoots him dead.

A few weeks later, in the wood,

I came across Miss Riding Hood.

But what a change! No cloak of red,

No silly hood upon her head.

She said, 'Hello, and do please note

My lovely furry wolfskin coat.'

THE THREE LITTLE PIGS - Poem by Roald Dahl

The animal I really dig, Above all others is the pig. Pigs are noble. Pigs are clever, Pigs are courteous. However,

Now and then, to break this rule, One meets a pig who is a fool. What, for example, would you say,

If strolling through the woods one day, Right there in front of you you saw

A pig who'd built his house of STRAW? The Wolf who saw it licked his lips, And said, 'That pig has had his chips.' 'Little pig, little pig, let me come in!'

'No, no, by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!'

52

'Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!'

The little pig began to pray,

But Wolfie blew his house away.

He shouted, 'Bacon, pork and ham!

Oh, what a lucky Wolf I am!'

And though he ate the pig quite fast,

He carefully kept the tail till last.

Wolf wandered on, a trifle bloated.

Surprise, surprise, for soon he noted

Another little house for pigs,

And this one had been built of TWIGS!

'Little pig, little pig, let me come in!'

'No, no, by the hairs on my chinny-chin-chin!'

'Then I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house in!'

The Wolf said, 'Okay, here we go!' He then began to blow and blow. The little pig began to squeal.

He cried, 'Oh Wolf, you've had one meal! Why can't we talk and make a deal?

The Wolf replied, 'Not on your nelly!' And soon the pig was in his belly.

'Two juicy little pigs!' Wolf cried, 'But still I'm not quite satisfied!

I know how full my tummy's bulging, But oh, how I adore indulging.'

So creeping quietly as a mouse,

The Wolf approached another house, A house which also had inside

A little piggy trying to hide. 'You'll not get me!' the Piggy cried.

'I'll blow you down!' the Wolf replied. 'You'll need,' Pig said, 'a lot of puff, And I don't think you've got enough.'

Wolf huffed and puffed and blew and blew. The house stayed up as good as new.

'If I can't blow it down,' Wolf said, I'll have to blow it up instead.

I'll come back in the dead of night And blow it up with dynamite!'

Pig cried, 'You brute! I might have known!'

53

Then, picking up the telephone,

He dialed as quickly as he could

The number of red Riding Hood.

'Hello,' she said. 'Who's speaking? Who? Oh, hello, Piggy, how d'you do?'

Pig cried, 'I need your help, Miss Hood!

Oh help me, please! D'you think you could?' 'I'll try of course,' Miss Hood replied. 'What's on your mind...?' 'A Wolf!' Pig cried. 'I know you've dealt with wolves before, And now I've got one at my door!'

'My darling Pig,' she said, 'my sweet, That's something really up my street. I've just begun to wash my hair.

But when it's dry, I'll be right there.'

A short while later, through the wood,

Came striding brave Miss Riding Hood.

The Wolf stood there, his eyes ablaze,

And yellowish, like mayonnaise.

His teeth were sharp, his gums were raw,

And spit was dripping from his jaw.

Once more the maiden's eyelid flickers.

She draws the pistol from her knickers.

Once more she hits the vital spot,

And kills him with a single shot.

Pig, peeping through the window, stood

And yelled, 'Well done, Miss Riding Hood!'

Ah, Piglet, you must never trust

Young ladies from the upper crust.

For now, Miss Riding Hood, one notes,

Not only has two wolfskin coats,

But when she goes from place to place,

She has a PIGSKIN TRAVELING CASE.

THE CROCODILE - Poem by Roald Dahl

'No animal is half as vile

As Crocky-Wock, the crocodile. On Saturdays he likes to crunch Six juicy children for his lunch

54

And he especially enjoys

Just three of each, three girls, three boys.

He smears the boys (to make them hot)

With mustard from the mustard pot.

But mustard doesn't go with girls,

It tastes all wrong with plaits and curls.

With them, what goes extremely well

Is butterscotch and caramel.

It's such a super marvelous treat

When boys are hot and girls are sweet.

At least that's Crocky's point of view

He ought to know. He's had a few.

That's all for now. It's time for bed.

Lie down and rest your sleepy head.

Ssh. Listen. What is that I hear,

Galumphing softly up the stair?

Go lock the door and fetch my gun!

Go on child, hurry! Quickly run!

No stop! Stand back! He's coming in!

Oh, look, that greasy greenish skin!

The shining teeth, the greedy smile!

It's Crocky-Wock, the Crocodile!'

DEAR FRIENDS, WE SURELY ALL AGREE - Poem by Roald Dahl

'Dear friends, we surely all agree There's almost nothing worse to see Than some repulsive little bum Who's always chewing chewing gum. (It's very near as bad as those

Who sit around and pick the nose). So please believe us when we say That chewing gum will never pay; This sticky habit's bound to send The chewer to a sticky end.

Did any of you ever know

A person called Miss Bigelow? This dreadful woman saw no wrong In chewing, chewing all day long.

She chewed while bathing in the tub, She chewed while dancing at her club, She chewed in church and on the bus; It really was quite ludicrous!

And when she couldn't find her gum,

55

She'd chew up the linoleum,

Or anything that happened near– A pair of boots, the postman's ear, Or other people's underclothes,

And once she chewed her boy friend's nose. She went on chewing till, at last,

Her chewing muscles grew so vast That from her face her giant chin Stuck out just like a violin.

For years and years she chewed away, Consuming fifty packs a day,

Until one summer's eve, alas, A horrid business came to pass. Miss Bigelow went late to bed,

For half an hour she lay and read, Chewing and chewing all the while Like some great clockwork crocodile. At last, she put her gum away

Upon a special little tray,

And settled back and went to sleep– (She managed this by counting sheep).

But now, how strange! Although she slept, Those massive jaws of hers still kept

On chewing, chewing through the night, Even with nothing there to bite.

They were, you see, in such a groove They positively had to move.

And very grim it was to hear

In pitchy darkness, loud and clear, This sleeping woman's great big trap

Opening and shutting, snap–snap–snap! Faster and faster, chop–chop–chop, The noise went on, it wouldn't stop. Until at last her jaws decide

To pause and open extra wide,

And with the most tremendous chew They bit the lady's tongue in two. Thereafter, just from chewing gum, Miss Bigelow was always dumb, And spent her life shut up in some Disgusting sanatorium.

And that is why we'll try so hard To save Miss Violet Beauregard From suffering an equal fate.

56

She's still quite young. It's not too late,

Provided she survives the cure.

We hope she does. We can't be sure.'

Reading practice

Read the rhymes; consult the dictionary for the correct transcription of the words.

1. A Dreadful Language

I take it you already know

Of tough and bough and cough and dough Others may stumble, but not you,

On hiccough, thorough, tough and through. Well done! And how you wish perhaps

To learn of less familiar traps? Beware of heard, a dreadful word

That looks like beard and sounds like bird. And dead; it's said like bed, not bead

For goodness sake don't call it "deed". Watch out for meat and great and threat

(They rhyme with suite and straight and debt) A moth is not a moth in mother,

Nor both in bother, broth in brother. And here is not a match for there Nor dear and fear for bear and pear.

And then there's dose and rose and lose Just look them up and goose and choose, And cork and work and word and sword, And do and go and thwart and cart. Come, come I've hardly made a start.

A dreadful language? Man alive I mastered it when I was five.

58